Running from “the one”

June 1, 2013

I’m a divorced white male, 60, good looking (I’ve been told),175,  fit (distance runner), intelligent, easy going, social and spontaneous.
 I’m interested in finding my “One” and moving forward in a long term relationship.  My criteria is intelligent, social, fit (or at least working on it), HWP, low maintenance, independent, not clingy, employed and attractive/good looking.  I run, hike, work-out, swim, play tennis, roller blade, fish and can camp.  I enjoy movies, cooking (inside and out), movies, pubs, shopping, chatting over wine and appetizers or a coffee or just chatting.
I work out or run 4 – 6 days a week (an hour or so) so fitness is an important part of my life.
My issue is that most women over the age of 50 (and some in their 40’s) meet 90 % of my criteria but are missing the fitness portion…They walk.
I meet plenty of women that do fit my criteria and we even go out.  This issue is they are mid 40’s and I’m 60.  Sexually everything is fine.  I may not be as good at all things as I was when I was younger but I’m still active and all about pleasing my partner.  The issue I’ve been told many time is my age.  When we first meet they think I’m mid 40’s..in time the age question comes up and that pretty much kills the deal.
I know my “One” is out there some place but have not idea how to find her.
Any thoughts?


Though I’m familiar with the notion, I’m not really a big believer in the “one”.  There are so many people and so many connections happening every moment; it seems much more logical to me that there are many possible “one’s” out there.  If you spend time discounting the people who are merely one or two ideals away from being the love of your life, you’ll spend the rest of your life looking.

If these women over 50 are meeting your criteria in all ways except that they walk when you prefer to run, that’s just you having too high of standards.  It’s healthy for coupled persons to have their own hobbies and time for themselves.  Rather than view this difference as a deal breaker, try viewing your runs as personal time for reflection and release.  If sharing the run is important, sit down with your partner when you get home and have a conversation over a good cup of coffee or a bottle of wine.  Describe the view as you ran toward the sunset, or the scent of the trees when you cut through the park; discuss the hopes and fears that crossed your mind.  You can still turn your run into a bonding moment, just switch the context up a little.

As for the younger ladies who better meet your criteria, try being honest with them about your age from the get-go rather than waiting for it to just come up.  Some of them might lose interest right away, but at least you’re not wasting any time.

If you want a second opinion you should watch the following clip of Dan Savage talking about the Price of Admission.  It’s what I make my friends watch when they’re frustrated about finding the “one”.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1tCAXVsClw

 

~The Missionary Position is a sex/relationship advice column. Questions are answered by Ajé Summerly who is a sexuality enthusiast & consultant. To submit a question, email Ajé at tmp@theburrozine.com

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